It has been a few weeks since I
attempted to write my final reply to atheism, and I think perhaps my
biggest reason for delay has simply been that I have been searching
for the right thing to say.
I asked my five year old son what I should call this, and he told me spaceships....so there you have it.
People can come up with a million
different answers to the questions that plague us all, and some are
logical, and many are nonsensical. That still doesn't stop us from
trying. As I mentioned early on, religion has always been about us
connecting with God. I could not call myself a follower of Jesus if
I believed all religions achieved this feat, but this does not
dismiss the fact that something deep inside of every man is searching
for the truth.
There are certainly different truths
out there that apply to each person in each season they are living,
and these are things that resonate in our bones. I cannot say that
my truth is higher than your truth, for I am but a man, and certainly
prone to my own assumptions and leaps like anyone else.
Am I convinced there is a God?
Absolutely. If tomorrow I woke up and somehow had irrefutable proof
that God didn't exist, would I still be convinced there is a God?
Yes, and yes. It is also my assumption that you will continue to
believe what you believe even long after it is proven to be false.
Why would I say this? Well, I am convinced that all conclusions are
but leaps of faith, and that the conclusion you have, as an atheist,
agnostic, humanist, mystic, or whatever, must be based on a truth
that resonates deeply in order for you to believe it.
I believe the evidence of God is in
everything, and there are some who believe everything is evidence
that there is no God. I also can say with all sincerity that I think
anyone who doesn't acknowledge the probability of there being a God
is extremely closed minded and blind to the truth, and I also
acknowledge that they have every right to feel the same way about me
and my beliefs. That's okay, there is room for both of us here to
exist.
The truth is, my Christian beliefs
tell me that only God can call anyone to be a follower of Him, and
that the rest are actually blinded to the truth (which is why I have
a huge problem with our modern concept of hell and eternal
punishment), so I shouldn't be surprised when atheists deny the
existence of God, even when I believe the evidence is right in front
of them.
Listen, a Christian's greatest asset
is his or her testimony. A testimony is regarded as the key reason
one decided to be a follower of Jesus, and it rarely has anything to
do with intellectualism or being proven through what is seen, the
existence of God. It's a point in someones life when all presupposed
ideas and closely held truths no longer seem relevant.
For me, it wasn't the fact that I grew
up in a Christian household, had a lot of Christian friends, and
listened to Christian music (which is something I rarely do anymore,
just to clarify). My testimony is that there was a time in my early
adult life that I started to wander from my faith, and question a lot
of things. During that time I grew further and further a part from
the life I had once lived and I found myself in a dark place,
mentally, and spiritually.
My rock bottom was probably nothing
compared to others, but for me I woke up one day feeling anxious,
depressed, and completely cold inside. It's hard to explain, but in
my memory I liken it to how thick the darkness feels in an unfamiliar
windowless basement once the lights turn out. I remember searching
myself for something significant or hopeful, and all I felt was dark
and cold. I mentioned previously how people turn to God in hard or
tragic times, and in this moment, within the confines of my room, I
called on God.
For many people who have attended
Church and eventually walked away, you no doubt consider how worship
services are constructed (especially in the modern church) to give us
warm fuzzies, and you might have even experienced this and now
dismiss it as a figment of your imagination brought on by a clever
structure of songs and emotions. However, there are times when I
have experienced the undeniable presence of God that comes out of
nowhere, and completely breaks through my defenses and is so
overpowering that I have a hard time standing, let alone reasoning
against it.
In that moment, when I called on God
for the first time in quite a while, I felt this same overpowering
presence, and it overtook me. I have no idea how long I wept, but in
my memory, I see myself balled up on my bed, unable to move as
something powerful and external washed over me. It wasn't a
goosebump sensation brought on by an emotionally driven worship band,
but rather an overpowering, almost tangible presence, and once that
moment had passed, not only did my atmosphere feel lighter, but I
felt cleansed, and restored.
This is why I say that even if you
showed me irrefutable proof that God doesn't exist, I would still
think He does, because such proof would not line up with what I know
to be true. Perhaps my understanding of God, or my knowledge of
scripture is askew, but my reality, based on my own story, and my own
experiences, demands me to believe, and because of that belief, I see
evidence that supports this in everything, from watching my kids, to
standing at the edge of the sea, to star gazing, all of these things
speak of the grandness and supremacy of God.
I don't think even for a second that
my story will convince anyone else to be a believer, and that was
never the point of writing these replies.
Lastly, I wanted to explain that part
of my delay in writing this had to do with my desire to read and
understand a book by Kurt Vonnegut called Cat's Cradle. Mr. Vonnegut
referred to himself as a Jesus loving atheist, and perhaps there is
hardly another author whom I identify with, in his philosophies and
understanding of the world, than he. I'm not going to go into too
much detail here about the book, but I did want to discuss it's
theme.
Here is the line in the book that
pretty much sums up the entire point Mr. Vonnegut is trying to make,
and it reads:
“No
wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of
X's between somebody's hands, and little kids look and look and look
at all those X's . No damn cat, no damn cradle.”
The
point being made here is that all the institutions of man, whether
they be religious, political, or scientific, are pretty ridiculous
when you take them a part and actually look at them. In a sense it's
the unveiling of the great and powerful Oz to be just a short old man
with a few gadgets.
Sure
the mysteries of the Universe are astounding, and man can be pretty
clever and entertaining at times, but what happens when they start
digging into things? When suddenly it's not enough for you to exist
and be happy, but when you decide to start hunting for the truth?
Six words, “No damn cat, no damn cradle”.
So
where then does this leave us? When everything we believe to be true
is empty and false when viewed through the microscope? Don't get me
wrong, I believe in absolute truth, but I also understand man's quest
for absolute truth to be rather silly and assumptious, no matter how
logical things seem to be. For me it is folly to believe that the
complexity of life can evolve from molecules without even a hint of
external guidance and planning, (and that's assuming Darwin's theory
of evolution is true), and for atheists, it is folly to say
otherwise.
Do
I believe all truth's are equally true? Absolutely not. I also
think that man's attempt to understand it and compartmentalize it, is
entertaining and not to be taken too literally. So what then is the
point? Well, as I explained earlier, my beliefs state that no one
can actually be a follower of God or aware of absolute truth unless
he is called to do so. There may be some of you reading this who are
not called, but the point is there may also be some who are, and God
has been working on your heart throughout this conversation. That
you have been recalling all those times before when the path you
chose seemed empty and hopeless, and how even then you felt the
presence of something guiding you and getting you through it.
Words
are just words, but if you are in a place where suddenly these words
ring true and you feel as if the pieces of a very complex and
scattered puzzle are coming together, then don't resist or try to reason with it, for a deeper truth is resonating in your bones right now. For whatever reason, the God of the universe is calling you out and offering to let you in on the secret. It's terrifying and exciting, and it's a purpose worth living if you'll respond to this call.
For
the rest of you, I'll just leave you with the words of Kurt Vonnegut
found in the dedication of his book “Cat's Cradle”:
"Nothing
in this book is true. 'Live by the foma that make you brave and kind
and healthy and happy'."
If
God calls you, then you'll know. Until then, good luck in your quest
for truth, and never stop questioning, even in the things you believe
to be true, for this makes us sharper, and more aware of how little
we actually know.
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